A Gossip of Leaves

 

A gossip of leaves circles tight and crisp under the apple tree in my back yard.  They rise and fall with the wind.  Fall has already arrived from summer’s dream and is settling in to the land.  I wonder what stories the leaves are drawn to tell each other where the flowers bloomed so richly.  I wonder which leaves will be flowers and which ones will be dogs or humans.  Some will probably be leaves again to teach the others what they need to know above the weeds we will pull forever and the flowers we water when dry or the lawns we mow for others to see.  A lot of time was stolen from life to feed our false egos.  I think of the grass where my children ran chasing their own bright loves through the world that they dreamed.  I remember the soft earth that our dog warmed as he slept under summer’s blanket after chasing a yellow ball, digging in grey sand and jumping with children’s excitement.

A leaf that must have watched me while working in last summer’s sun settled with its color on an empty green chair under a backyard pear tree.  I found my own rich moments lying on that lounge last summer in the sun and remember feeling the gentle intimacy of breeze caress the hair on my arms and awaken my full awareness.  I knew the richness of those brief moments when they were here - and I treasure them now as I did then.  I want to wade into those moments again.  I want to be deeply and unknowingly aware again.

But time and life change and move.  Now, I no longer live in the old sandy yellow home I built for our family.  Our dog has put white hair around his face and my children are growing up while my outward body has let go of youth.  I still look for the same thing I always looked for – to be happy.  To be heard and felt.  To be loved.  I hope that I touched my children in this life.  I hope I touched my dog and I hope I touch my friends.  I have been blessed by the miracle of life – even in those moments that seemed so unbearably hard.  I still don’t know what it is all about…